Friday, August 10, 2018

Grief

This is Linda.  My granddaughter Anna is helping me do this because I know that Jim would want me to let you know what has happened.  My wonderful Jim died on Sunday, August 5, 2018.  We were on our trip from Florida to our nephew's wedding in Minnesota.  It had been such a good trip.  We were both doing well and able to do what was needed.  We enjoyed the traveling--we always did--and we were so enjoying each other and were just plain having a ball.  Sunday he drove for 5 hours and we pulled into the Motel 70 in High Hill, MO about 3:30.  We took a nap and were just lying on the bed enjoying each other and talking.  He had his arm around me and told me how much he loved me--and I  kissed him and told him the same.  I got up to get something, and while I was doing that I heard him cough.   He often coughed because of the scar tissue in his lung from the radiation treatments--no big deal--but this was different.  He spit into a rag and it was red.  Then he got a lot of blood in his mouth and spit it into the wastebasket.  He coughed vigorously again and more and more blood ended up in the wastebasket.. I grabbed the phone and dialed 0 to get the office and asked the lady to call 911 and told her what was happening.  I turned right back to him and he made eye contact with me.  Very faintly, he sad," I'm gonna die."  I believe he was trying to tell me that he understood what was happening and that it was O.K. but that I needed to be prepared to deal with it.  Within 4-5 seconds he slumped over on the bed, and I believe that that is when he died.  The people from the motel came running in and helped me get him on the floor.  The man gave him chest compression and I gave him mouth-to-mouth.  I felt like I had to try to save him, but I really think it was all over for him by then.  I am so grateful that it was quick for him.  He had no time to be afraid or to hurt.  The EMT's came in and worked on him for quite awhile, but the couldn't save him either.

Now what?  I have no idea.  I started calling kids and grand-kids all over the country.  Our daughter Laura and her daughter Anna (from Florida) started throwing things in suitcases, got in the car, and started driving.  The got to me in Missouri the next day (Mon.) about 2:00 in the afternoon.  Then they took the lead and arranged everything and took care of me.  This is Friday and I'm back in our house in DeBary, Florida.  I don't understand life without him.  He is so much a part of the fabric of my life that I can't see anything ahead without him. I will always love him.  I talk to him often, and sometimes I swear the he answers me. I will go on.  I can do this. And someday . . .

I won't write again.  This is Jim's blog.  Thank you all so much for your friendship.  Say a prayer for him and for me.  I need all the strength I can get.  Good-bye.

Love, Linda

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